We’ve lost some writers recently, but McCarthy Culkin and Joe Lies will continue on with a new blog.  We’ll have more information to come next week. We’ll keep you posted. See you soon!

Joe Lies

I've never liked smoking but McQueen made even that filthy habit look cool

So today we celebrate the birthday of the King of Cool.  A day he shares with some less cool celebrities.  There is nothing worse than having your birthday soiled by sharing it with people who suck.  Trust me, I know first hand.  I wish someone cool like McQueen was born on my birthday.  Instead I share it with Gypsy Rose Lee (the actual stripper, not Natalie Wood), Joe Pesci, and a real life suckafool who I won’t be so rude as to mention here.  So Steve, in honor of your birthday, let’s take a moment to bust on the other losers who were born today so we can be sure you continue to reign supreme even from the afterlife.

Al Reynolds AND Star Jones – They share a birthday and the marriage didn’t last?  How could that be?  Oh, right, he’s gay and she’s a crazy person. Those kinds of relationships never work out.

Louie Anderson – I’m sorry, he just seems like a dick.  He’s not funny and I get the feeling he’s mean in real life.  Maybe, I’m wrong and he’s just swell and I’m the mean one but I usually have pretty good instincts on these kinds of things so let’s just call him an ass and move on.

Yes, I know he's smiling but I don't believe it's genuine.

Donna Pescow – She played the pathetic Annette who kept trying to get with John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever and then she played the title role in the 1979 sitcom Angie about a waitress who married millionaire Robert Hayes. She seems like a nice enough person but she’s no McQueen.  She should have been born with other lesser knowns on the 23rd or the 25th.

Kelly LeBrock – Sure, her body was amazing but her face was weird and she was dumb enough to marry Steven Segal.  Boo!

Lake Bell – Casting directors seem to think she’s sexy. I think she looks like a man.

Yes, I see the boobs, too, but there is something about her face that screams "MAN!" to me.

Lara Flynn Boyle – I kind of love her because, like most of my family, she’s Irish and crazy, but she’s no McQueen.  More like McQueen’s nutso cousin who shows up at family reunions with men like Jack Nicholson and David Spade.  You know what?  I do love her and I bet McQueen would have, too.  Stay crazy, Flynn Boyle!

Lark Voorhies – Two words for you: Lisa Turtle.  She almost deserves this day just for putting up with Screech all those years.

Matthew Peck – Never heard of him?  Your loss.  He’s my 4 year old’s little bud and he knows more about Bakugans than anyone on earth.  McQueen would actually think this kid was cool and be honored to share a birthday with him.  Have fun turning five, MP.

With a steely blue stare like that, this kid could hold his own with McQueen

 Megyn Price – She was on Grounded for Life with Donal Logue and now she’s on Rules of Engagement with David Spade and Seinfeld’s Putty.  She always plays up her boobs.  Bobby and I call her “Slutty Mom” because that’s how she’s usually typecast.  She’s likable enough but a little too low rent to share a birthday with McQueen.  Plus I hate people who don’t know how to spell their own names.  It’s Megan or Meghan but not Megyn.

I’m sure there are others.  There always are.  The great ones never get to have their day all to themselves.  And I guess who is great is relative.  I mean, maybe some of you actually think Kelly LeBrock or Louie Anderson has given more to the world of entertainment than Steve McQueen did.  I sort of want to punch you for thinking that, but to paraphrase the great Bobby Brown “it’s your perogative”.  However, I am sure if you were stuck at the top of The Towering Inferno trying to decide whether or not to get on that outdoor glass elevator, you’d want Steve McQueen not Al Reynolds by your side.  And that’s why anyone can call March 24th their birthday, but the day really belongs to only one man.  Happy Birthday, Bullitt.

Yes, I'll get you out of that burning building, and I'll probably kiss you, too, because that's how I roll.

Jackie Earle Haley parlayed the success of Kelly Leak into another great role as Moocher in the Academy Award Nominated film, Breaking Away. Even though he was only 17, he held his own with cast mates, Dennis Quaid, Dennis Christopher, and Daniel Stern, who were already well into their 20’s. Moocher had a temper and liked to hit people. Kelly Leak was the same way. He must be a phenomenal actor because he is incredibly small. Maybe 5’5”, yet he pulls off being a tough guy. It doesn’t make sense on paper, but somehow it works on screen. I expected big things from Haley, but after a few television roles, and some B-Movies, by 1993, he had vanished. Stopped acting completely. Instead, he delivered pizzas, drove limousines, and worked for a while as a security officer. If Kelly Leak were on patrol, I’d think twice about causing any trouble. He didn’t make his return to acting until 2006, when Director Steve Zaillian cast him opposite Kate Winslet in All The Kings Men. Zaillian remembered Haley’s late 70’s lexicon and brought him back into acting. That opened the flood gates. That same year, he was cast opposite Winslet again, in his Academy Award Nominated performance in Little Children. He’s great in that movie. Disturbing, yes, but an excellent performance.

I was happy to see him return to the screen. You always wonder what happens to these child actors when they grow up. Some end up doing drugs like the Two Coreys and that girl from Full House, some rob liquor stores like Dana Plato, some find religion like Kirk Cameron, and some do steroids and lift weights constantly like Danny Bonaduce. All tragic stories. There are very few Ron Howard’s out there who have transitioned into successful careers. The train wrecks always make the news, but I imagine most of these child actors went the route of Jackie Earle Haley. They made their livings outside the spotlight of Hollywood. So when someone makes as dramatic a comeback as Haley, it’s something to be applauded. He didn’t descend into darkness, he just waited it out until people recognized he still had talent. It’s great because this guy was born to be a character actor. He’s odd looking and small, yet his presence in a film always makes an impact. He has a very small role in Shutter Island, but his few minutes on screen are the most memorable.

Over the last few years, he has had big roles in big films. He starred in Semi-Pro and Watchmen, and has a recurring role on that new show Human Target. But it wasn’t until I saw a preview for the re-make of Nightmare on Elm Street that I knew he was totally back. Yes, he plays Freddy Krueger. I imagine he’ll bring an even creepier vibe to that legendary character. It’ll be interesting to see what he does with it. I wasn’t looking forward to that film until I realized he was Freddy.

I think I’ve done a relatively good job of not just referring to Haley as Kelly Leak. It was difficult. When someone jumps into your consciousness in a particular role, it’s hard not to refer to them as that forever. It’s the same reason I’ll always call Seann William Scott, Stifler, and I’ll always refer to Julie Bowen as Carol Vescey. They’ve had many parts since American Pie and Ed, but none that can wipe those roles out of my head.  Kelly Leak was on the bench for a while. 13 years to be exact. But like Robert Redford in The Natural, you can’t keep that kind of talent down. It needs to get to the surface. It’ll always find a way. Now lets see if Tanner, Engleberg, Ahmad, and Ogilvie can find their way back too.

See for me, being Irish is more than just looking at the family tree and figuring out where the grandparents came from.  It’s who I am.  At the worst moments of my life, I have found my strength knowing that I’m Irish and the Irish never give up.  They drink and they fight and they drink somemore, often times amid the dead; who if the story of Tim Finnegan’s Wake is correct (and you bet I believe it is) get a drop of whiskey and come back to life kicking and screaming.  Growing up my family had a dog named Tim Finnegan. Who names their dog after a song about an Irish Wake?  We do.  Because everything about the Irish is at once hilarious and charming and tragic.  Like John Wayne in the Quiet Man, when the Irish get punched they just keep getting up for more. 

Because of my love of my own heritage, I have always loved St. Patrick’s Day.  The way I celebrate it today with two small children is very different then the way I celebrated it as a younger person.  Back when I would be at the bars at noon and stay there until the next day.  Back when if they weren’t playing traditional Irish music, I would request the DJ spin “Come on Eileen” and out dance Michael Flately.  Back when wearing something that said “Kiss Me I’m Irish” could get me in trouble.   Those days were good.  Now I make corned beef and cabbage in a crock pot for my kids and watch Waking Ned Devine, a movie I love for many reasons but mostly for the scene when Michael, pretending to be Ned, gets attend his own funeral and hear the eulogy his friend Jackie gives: 

Michael O’Sullivan was my great friend. But I don’t ever remember telling him that. The words that are spoken at a funeral are spoken too late for the man who is dead. What a wonderful thing it would be to visit your own funeral. To sit at the front and hear what was said, maybe say a few things yourself. Michael and I grew old together. But at times, when we laughed, we grew young. If he was here now, if he could hear what I say, I’d congratulate him on being a great man, and thank him for being a friend

It’s beautiful and it’s true.   Most people never say the things they need to say to the living.  And that’s why we mourn the dead so much.   There’s always regret. 

I didn’t know the last day I ever spent with my mother was the last – but she did.  And when we were saying goodbye, she hugged me in a way that was different than how she’d hugged me before and then she told me that I was a wonderful daughter and that she was sorry for being so hard on me because although she’d never said it before she thought I was perfect.  At that moment, I just thought we were having an really awesome day, but later I knew that she was saying goodbye and at the same time giving me the greatest gift of my life.  Absolution.

So this St Patrick’s Day, while you’re drinking your green beer and singing “Danny Boy”, don’t forget to use your gift of gab to cut through all the blarney and thank your family or your friends or the drunk guy next to you for being there because you never know when it’s your last chance to speak up and trust me, you don’t want to miss it.

Happy St Patrick’s Day!

It’s good to see Galifianakis’ career take off like it has since he starred in The Hangover. He was the funniest thing in an extremely funny movie. I’ve been a fan of his for years. I think his stand up comedy is incredibly strange and really funny. I even enjoyed his work in bad films like Out Cold. Just a horrible movie, but he saves it with every scene he’s in. He took bad material and made it a riot. In The Hangover, he finally had good material, and he made that great. Currently, he also co-stars in HBO’s Bored to Death. He plays Jason Schwartzman’s sidekick and steals every scene. The show especially shines when they get Galifianakis and Ted Danson in the same scene. They play off each other very well. He even had a short lived talk show on VH1 called Late World with Zach Galifianakis. It was all kinds of strange. I loved it. But it was probably too weird for society in general. I liked that VH1 gave it a shot even though they pulled the plug pretty quickly. They had good intentions, just no follow through.

I couldn’t believe SNL actually had the foresight to cast him as host. During a season in which we’ve had do endure Blake Lively, Taylor Lautner, and Sigourney Weaver, seeing a pro like Galifianakis take the helm was a breath of comedic air. Right now, SNL has some great cast members like Bill Hader, Jason Sudekis, and Kristen Wiig. All three of them are outrageously versatile. Hader is by far my favorite. All of his characters make me laugh. He’s really weird, in a good way. Same goes for Sudekis. He’s a little more mainstream with his humor, but he always saves the sketches he’s in. Wiig can play anything and the writers know that. She’s in almost every sketch. But SNL also has some severe handicaps and it almost ruins the show. I’ve said this before, but Kenan Thompson is arguably my least favorite person that has ever been on SNL. He’s not funny. He’ll never be funny. And the fact that they keep trying to shove this guy down America’s throat almost makes me not want to watch. Also, I don’t care for Will Forte’s brand of humor either. He’s the opposite of funny. Again, I’m sure the reason they still have jobs are that they are really nice guys. Everybody probably likes them. It doesn’t change the fact that they are the original butchers of comedy. Absolutely horrible.

When Zach Galifianakis came out for his monologue, I knew the tone of this particular show was going to be different. He didn’t come out and talk about how this is his dream to host SNL, or rely on cast members to help save his opening bit. No, Galifianakis came out and did stand up.

It was excellent. Everything worked. From the bit about him being backstage Febreezing his beard, to him saying, “We’ve got a great show, Hoobastank is here. Wait, no it’s not Hoobastank. Oh, we’ve got Vampire Weekend.” It was all gold. Even the sketches he’s in take on a different tone. He’s a very odd guy. He brings a weird energy to everything he does. Personally, I think it’s outrageously funny. He immediately unnerves you because you aren’t sure what will happen next. That’s good comedy. As opposed to Kenan Thompson where you know exactly what will happen next. He’ll talk real loud or dress up as a woman. It doesn’t take a genius to see where his “comedy” will go. It must have been a pleasure for Hader, Sudekis, and Wiig to be able to play off another comedian. Someone who actually brings something to the table besides celebrity.

My hope is that SNL continues to hire comedians to host. Or, if they find someone who works like Justin Timberlake and Alec Baldwin, bring them back a couple times a season. They did this in SNL’s heyday, they can do it now. Or take more chances like Galifianakis. Bring in a Patton Oswalt or Jim Gaffigan. I know why you feel the need to cast Gerard Butler, he’s really popular, but I doubt he’s ever stood in front of a crowd in a small comedy club in Idaho and brought down the house. Go make another crappy movie. Let the comedy professionals handle the heavy lifting.

Galifianakis has a lot of projects coming out soon. That’s good news. There just isn’t enough funny out there. And when there is, they try to shoehorn people like Ashton Kutcher and Brendan Fraser into those roles. It almost never works. Lets put the funny people in the funny movies. We’ll all benefit. And lets hope SNL has learned a valuable lesson. It was a show built on bizarre humor for people who stay up late at night. Lets get guest hosts who understand that ethos. Last week, they most certainly did.

Reading is FUNdamental

So I turned on my computer this morning, went to CNN.com and discovered that my 4^th favorite Corey – Corey Haim – passed away last night. (In my book he ranks behind Corey Feldman, former Cleveland Indian Cory Snyder and former PM of the Philippines Cory Aquino). Of course, none of us should be surprised by Haim’s passing– celebrities with drug addiction have a limited shelf life.  The fact that a 38-year old man who hasn’t been famous in about 20 years ODed, died in ignominy and that this made frontpage news is more surprising – Andy Warhol would be psyched.  Apparently in the 21^st century our 15 minutes gets put on repeat.

Now, I was never all that into the Two Corey’s.  This is mostly because I’m a dude – but I get that all the single ladies in the late 80’s had the Corey Haim posters up on their walls next to their posters of John Stamos, Corin Nemic and Kip Winger.    And Lucas was a pretty awesome movie, although I was more into it because of Winona Ryder (I really wish she was still doing movies…  she never quite got over that Johnny Depp break up, I think. Nice Jewish girl.)

Corey Feldman will always be the superior member of that particular duet in my eyes.  He was rough and tumble – a bad boy.  He could have been the ugly kid in any number of boy bands (Donny Wahlberg, Chris Kirkpatrick – I’m looking at you).  Plus, the man was in Goonies – maybe THE coming of age classic of my generation.  This, along with a little film I like to call Meatballs 3, puts Corey F way over the top.

At least one of these people is much hotter now.

But Corey Haim certainly had his appeal.  He was the male version of Alyssa Milano – all the girls had crushes on him (Oddly enough, the two used to date). Needless to say their careers have gone in different directions – while Corey Haim developed an addiction, Alyssa Milano developed awesome boobies.  Would License to Drive 2 have been a success if Corey Haim had smokin’ man tits?  It’s a question to which we’ll never have an answer.

Speaking of boobs – Mr. Haim’s passing should prove to be a cautionary tale for one Lindsay Lohan.  It’s a familiar path, no?  Both had early success in film, and then sank into a world of partying and addiction – resurfacing occasionally with the direct to video production or tabloid headline. Her lawsuit against E-trade is ridiculous, right?  How did she even find a lawyer to represent her?

I hope for all of our sakes that Lindsay is able to get control of her life so she doesn’t wind up in the same desperate straits as Corey – at least long enough for her to start what will undoubtedly be a stellar porn career.

Keanu, Joaquin and Cool....I wanna be a part of this family

We lasted twenty minutes before I asked Bobby if we could turn the Parenthood TV show off.    Unlike the Buckmans who may be crotchedy or crazy, but all still maintain their warmth – the Bravermans are just sort of crappy.   Which is too bad because I expected more from a cast that included Coach (Craig T. Nelson), Nate Fisher (Peter Krause) and Lorelei Gilmore (Lauren Graham).   I understand that they were trying to show how there is real love underneath all the unpleasantness that makes up a family but it was so heavy on the uncomfortable, judgemental, biting moments that I just felt sad.  Sad that families have to be that way.  And I had to turn it off because in real life I have seen really ugly family moments or months or years and I don’t want to relive that on a TV show.  I don’t consider bringing up all my emotional baggage and driving me to tears entertaining.   It’s the same reason I don’t go see movies with names like Dying Young.  I’ve seen enough real people do that so when I’m going to the movies I’d rather sit back and enjoy something a little lighter.  

The guy from Punk'd and the psycho from Swimfan....I'll pass on this one

That’s why when we turned off Parenthood, we turned on The House Bunny.   Best Decision Ever.  The House Bunny rocked.  Sure it was low brow and unrealistic, but it had heart.  And as silly as the movie was it had a message.   You know, that it doesn’t matter how hot you are – it’s what’s inside that counts?  Cliché?  For sure.  True?  Definitely.  And I thought it was cool that a movie with fun makeover scenes and cute boys, was really about how it’s okay to be yourself.  Because girls have it rough.   I see the toys marketed to them and it’s all princesses and prom queens which is a lot to live up to.  I had a terrible self image as a young girl.  I never thought I was attractive.  My mom, on the other hand, who looked exactly like me, I thought was gorgeous.  The difference between us was that she always carried herself like she was the most important person in the room.  And I always carried myself  like I was the Disney tween star’s dorky side kick.  The way we thought about ourselves really rubbed off on the way other people thought about us.  And all I can say is I am so glad I have little boys and I promise I will teach them to give a second look to the girl with glasses and a ponytail. 

There are very few problems that a make-over montage can't solve

Anyhow, loved The House Bunny.  Loved Anna Faris.  Loved Christopher McDonald.  Loved Colin Hanks and Rumer Willis and Kat harine McFee and the guy from All American Rejects.   Seriously, they all rocked it.  And watching the movie made me feel good which is how I want to feel at the end of a movie.  Is that such a bad thing?

Because ever since Sunday night when Sandra Bullock won the oscar for her performance in The Blind Side, I’ve been seeing all these mean messages on Facebook and the internet about how she didn’t deserve it.   Why didn’t she deserve it?  Obviously, the Academy members thought she did.  Is she Meryl Streep?  No.  Did she have to be continually, horrifying abused in her movie?  No.    Do some people find the story behind her movie hokey?  Sure.  But you know what, those people need to let it go because it’s not some hokey work of fiction, it’s a true story.  That woman really did save a boy’s life.  And that boy is now a college graduate and a professional football player.  That’s an awesome story and it’s the kind of story that should be told.  These are the kind of people we should want to emmulate.  And Sandra Bullock changed her look and her voice and her demeanor and made you believe she was that woman, so who cares if Miss Congeniality was a piece of crap?  She’s been a successful working actress for years and she pulled off a performance that no one thought she had in her and yes, it was in a heartwarming film.  Good for her.  And good for the people like me who saw it and loved it.  And good for the people out there who will benefit from the kindness of strangers who maybe learned something from such a nice movie.  Entertainment doesn’t always have to be heavy and dark and twisted to be quality.  I loved seeing the guy who adapted the screenplay for Precious win, even though that movie is too disturbing for me to ever watch.  And I was thrilled for Kathryn Bigelow because, although I haven’t seen The Hurt Locker yet, I do plan to rent it, and I’m a huge fan of her earlier directorial work on Point Break which while not Oscar-worthy material was a hugely entertaining film.  But mostly I was glad to see something upbeat win.  Cause there’s not enough of that in the world.

She thanked her mom, her tough guy husband cried and she earned it. Stop putting the girl next door down!

And I know there are people out there who will see my defense of lighter forms of entertainment as a sign of lower intelligence.  As I’ve mentioned before, I saw Fight Club with an ass who thought that my dislike for it meant it was over my head.   I understood the movie, I just hated it.  I also hated the douche who thought it went over my head.   And he was shocked when he found out I didn’t like him.  He was so self involved that it had never occurred to him that comments like that were rude and offensive.  He actually felt really bad but it was too late.  When you’re that much of a condensending jerk, I don’t think even the House Bunny can fix you.

Actor in a Leading Role

Jeff Bridges – Crazy Heart

George Clooney – Up In The Air

Colin Firth – A Single Man

Morgan Freeman – Invictus

Jeremy Renner – The Hurt Locker

Will Win: Jeff Bridges. This is a one horse race this year. Even though Clooney did a great job in Up In The Air and Jeremy Renner vaulted himself into the public consciousness in The Hurt Locker, it’s all about Bridges. He’s long overdue for this award and his portrayal as Bad Blake, a country music legend that never quite got the recognition he deserved was phenomenal. Bridges has had an amazing career and it’s good that when the Academy finally recognizes him, it’s for a role that is truly deserving.

Should Win: Jeff Bridges. For all the reasons I gave you in the previous paragraph.

Actor in a Supporting Roll

Matt Damon – Invictus

Woody Harrelson – The Messenger

Christopher Plummer – The Last Station

Stanely Tucci – The Lovely Bones

Christoph Waltz – Inglorious Basterds

Will Win: Christoph Waltz. First off, I was leery of Inglorious Basterds. Mainly because I don’t think Brad Pitt can carry a movie. I think he’s good, but he has trouble handling the work load of a whole film. But that’s not what Inglorious Basterds was, and Waltz was unbelievable. I would argue that he has the biggest role in the film and that’s why it’s as good as it is. He’s awesome in it. He’s the villain for sure, but he plays it differently than you’ve seen villains, especially Nazi’s, played before. I have never seen this guy in anything before, and I don’t know how that’s possible. He should be a huge star. He’s definitely known in Europe, but it’s time he takes Hollywood by storm.

Should Win: Christoph Waltz. There really isn’t anyone in this category that can touch him this year. I think Matt Damon and Stanely Tucci are excellent actors, but it’s all about Waltz this season.

Actress in a Leading Role

Sandra Bullock – The Blind Side

Helen Mirren – The Last Station

Carey Mulligan – An Education

Gabourey Sidibe – Precious: Based on the novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire.

Meryl Streep – Julie and Julia

Will Win: Meryl Streep. She gets nominated every year, so it’s easy to just say they throw her in there because of her name. That’s not the case this year. She’s excellent in this film. Meryl Streep is an icon, but you forget that it’s her playing Julia Child, and that’s not an easy feat.

Should Win: This is a tough one. I didn’t see Precious because I didn’t want to spend two hours watching a teenager get beat by her mother and molested by her father. That sounds awful. I’ve heard nothing but great things about Sidibe, but since I didn’t see it, I can’t say she should win. I think it’s a battle between Streep and Mulligan. I’m going to go with Carey Mulligan. An Education could be very boring at times, but she was always compelling to watch. This girl is going to have a great career. If Streep or Sibide won, I would be fine with that.

Actress in a Supporting Role

Penelope Cruz – Nine

Vera Farmiga – Up In The Air

Maggie Gyllenhaal – Crazy Heart

Anna Kendrick – Up In The Air

Mo’Nique – Precious: Based on the novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire.

Will Win: Mo’Nique. Again, I didn’t see Precious, but Mo’Nique has all the buzz. Whenever a comedian takes on a role this challenging and makes you believe, they are tough to beat. See Robin Williams and Tom Hanks for clarification. She looks terrifying in every scene I’ve watched. I don’t think anyone’s taking this from her.

Should Win: Anna Kendrick. I loved Up In The Air, and she was by far the best thing in it. Frankly, I’m surprised Vera Farmiga got nominated because she was the worst. But Kendrick made a jump in this movie. She’s destined to be a major star. I’m a huge Clooney fan, and he was great, but the movie suffered when Kendrick wasn’t on screen. That is saying something.

Best Director

James Cameron – Avatar

Kathryn Bigelow – The Hurt Locker

Quentin Tarantino – Inglorious Basterds

Lee Daniels – Precious: Based on the novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire.

Jason Reitman – Up In The Air

Will Win: Kathryn Bigelow. The Hurt Locker was an excellent film. It was intense, emotional, and it had some nice action. It’s a really good movie and Bigelow did an outstanding job of mixing all those elements together in a very enjoyable film. Cameron is probably the favorite here, but as I said, Avatar gets no love from me. Bigelow is Cameron’s ex wife, so that should mollify the Academy.

Should Win: Another tough call. I think Bigelow and Tarantino are both deserving, but I’m going with Jason Reitman. Part of this is that I’m in the tank for Reitman. Juno and Thank You For Smoking are two of my favorite films over the last few years and Up In The Air is a great follow up. I think what it comes down to is that I want him to win.

Best Picture

Avatar

The Blind Side

District 9

An Education

The Hurt Locker

Inglorious Basterds

Precious: Based on the novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire.

A Serious Man

Up

Up In The Air

Will Win: The Hurt Locker. I have to believe that the Academy will not reward a two hour video game and instead give it to a movie that actually has something to say and be entertaining at the same time.

Should Win: I’m struggling with this one. The Hurt Locker is definitely deserving, but I’m going to say Inglorious Basterds. I liked Up In The Air better, but Inglorious Basterds was a fun movie that had a surprising amount of depth. The acting was sensational and I enjoyed every minute of this film. Sure, Tarantino threw history out the window, but who cares. Really great film. I’d be psyched if they gave this film the nod. I’d also be fine with either The Hurt Locker or Up In The Air. If anything else wins, it’s criminal.

There you have it. I’m not going to predict things like Best Animated Film because I didn’t see any of them, and I don’t care. I didn’t put any other categories because you probably don’t care about them. Have fun watching the Oscars this weekend. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin should put on a great show. And if you feel the need, root against Avatar. The fate of the movies you will see in the future depends on it. Because if it wins, it’ll be cartoons and 3D everywhere you look. I don’t want to think what this world will be like if that happens.

The pic of his Hitler Youth Duke fan crying always brings a smile to my face.

Let me be the first to say – Barry Mangelo is no stranger to irrational hatred.  I’ve devoted much time here at Best Worst Things to that which I dislike and lord knows there’s a lot.  My bile knows no limits, my hatred no bounds.  I hate Susan Sarandon, olives, every song by Journey and people who dress up in pun-related costumes for Halloween (the next person I see wearing a Cereal Killer costume is going to get a nut punch) The sheer weight of my hatred is even a bit much for me sometimes – I hate how much I hate things.

But of all the things I despise, there is nothing that riles me more than Duke University and the Duke University men’s basketball team.  In my mind, the Blue Devils are bastions of pure evil, a cabal of malevolent miscreants rooted on by a crowd of over-privileged dicks with white men’s overbites and popped up collars.

My intense hatred was born and bred in College Park, MD.  It’s been said that you are not a true alumnus of the University of Maryland if A) you don’t know James Bond and B) you don’t hate Duke with an undying passion.  And the unleashing of that hatred is pure pleasure.  It’s a Festivus-style Airing of the Grievances.

To us, Duke represents everything wrong with the world.  And this hatred becomes a bond – it unites us.  We proud, few Terrapins  – people from every different background, ethnicity and nationality – come together in the bonds of mutual disgust.  It’s like what happened in Independence Day, where the world led by the Bill Pullman and the Fresh Prince, ignored racial, religious and political differences to defend their planet against the alien horde.

Obviously, it’s easy to hate a winner.  To the University of Maryland, Duke has always been that unbeatable foe, that immovable object.  We are forever the struggling underdog – like John Conner fighting the Terminator, or Ripley fighting the Alien or human decency struggling to survive Glen Beck.  But make no mistake, despite what you might hear from Carlos Boozer’s mom (who gets a concussion from an empty water bottle?) we are the good guys here.

John Scheyer's stupid face

Honestly, what’s not to hate about Duke?  Coach K and his smarmy nasal, banality? The ridiculous floor pounding of Wojo?  Shane Battier’s misshapen, wrinkled forehead?  JJ Reddick and his awesome poetry?  John Scheyer and his stupid face?  I hate his stupid face.

And the fans… the so called Cameron Crazies.  Lemmings – the lot of them.  They bounce up and down in unison, defying gravity with their collective sense of entitlement.

So tonight, I’m heading to College Park to see what will hopefully be the best college game of the year.  If Maryland wins, they’ll tie Duke for first place in the ACC (for those non-sports fans, I’m not sure what a good equivalent would be…  maybe making it to the second round of Top Chef or something).

And should we win the day, the 3^rd of March will no longer be known as the birthday of Tore Ørjasæter, the famed Norwegian poet, but as the day when the world declared in one voice:

“We will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We’re going to live on!

We’re going to survive!”

Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

An Addendum:  The game was awesome.  Go terps!